Five Years On: Thriving Post-Divorce
Wow! Five years have passed – now thriving post-divorce! It’s hard to believe. Looking back to D(ivorce)-Day, day one of separation – with the taste of fear so strong in in my mouth, my stomach tied in knots, my heart racing with Adrenaline – not knowing which problem to focus on first, tell my parents, tell the kids, ring the accountant, find a lawyer, What to do?… What would I have told my five year younger self?
Firstly, a great big, squeezing bear hug!! You are going to be fine! The fear, the knot, the mental gymnastics they are all normal and you’re strong, you’re smart you’ll work this all out one step at a time. It’s hard to imagine right now, after just ripping the proverbial band-aid off your life, but you will heal and grow and build a life happier than you ever thought possible!
You love your children more than anything, you will always do what’s right for them! It will not be easy – at times you will hate the injustice of life, you will feel the hurt through to the core of your being, you will step back – even when you want to scream and shout and throw things but you will never forget that they are your priority and you love them more than anything!
Worry & Fear
Don’t waste your energy worrying. It changes nothing – it will never stop anything bad happening, it will immobilise you! Keep changing the question in your mind. When you fear being alone, count how many people you can call on – family and friends! When you panic about paying the bills and the mortgage – think about one little thing you can do this week to help! When you worry about what to do tomorrow – focus on finding one (even little) thing you will be able achieve. There are no quick fixes – just keep breathing. Some of the worst fears, you will look back on and laugh about and some will always bring tears to your eyes.
You are embarking on an adventure that will yield some really wonderful, amazing times and opportunities! One of the forerunners is the fantastic new friends you will make and the “old” friendships you will re-find! Right now you’re feeling scared, alone and very vulnerable not able to share with anyone, feeling as though no one would understand! Over the next five years – you will peel off the layers of misery, disappointment and anger and discover a happy, healthy, vibrant person. So today, don’t make any new plans, don’t measure yourself against the old plans, just breathe and see if you can start dreaming again.
Remove from the house the Chocolate, ice-cream, wine, chips, lollies etc and just walk. When you’re talking on the mobile, leave the house and walk. Up and down the street, around the block, fast hikes or just dawdling – keep moving and get out into the fresh air. Don’t lie in bed at 5am – head full of thoughts, walk. Don’t sit around feeling teary, put the sunnies on and walk. People will tell you to meditate, if you can great, if you can’t sit still for more than a minute or turn your brain off for a second – find walking meditations! You’ll realise it will start to make you feel good, mentally and physically! Soon you’ll be walking with friends, meeting people and burning up calories!
Do not look back – thrive!
Twenty-something years of your life, lead you right here – this is where you are. Do not look back, don’t entertain the What-Ifs! When they pop up send them away. You didn’t waste time, love or anything else. You are wiser, stronger and smarter – more experienced and more capable. Take all that forward, use the lessons and build a whole new phase of your life – re-build it better!
And finally.. You’ll be a divorce thriver, rather than just a divorce survivor – so today just breathe and focus on little steps! Thrive post-divorce…
Written by Ann Wine