Friendship and Divorce. On with the new..
From the first day your divorce becomes public your social life changes. Feeling lonely is normal, after all, for the last whatever years you were a couple. Maybe a miserable, unhappy one – but still a couple. Some friendships become strained, some die, some thrive… Here’s my list.
You know the one, they use every opportunity to explain to you that you’ve made the wrong decision. They make it very clear – you should try harder with your marriage, go back to your spouse, just work it out, they had problems too but they didn’t run etc. As much as you try and explain the circumstances they just don’t want to hear. If you’re smart – avoid them!
The I Can Be Friends With Both of You
This always starts well, the theory of it is lovely, after all we’ve all been friends for ten years, twenty years… If you managed to keep them congratulations, maybe I was just too thin skinned. It possibly wasn’t anything the friends did, when I heard they’d been out to dinner with the ex – I felt hurt. I get it, the ex probably invited them out and I didn’t but, well… They did invite me over, but it started to feel awkward… Were they my friend or the ex’s, could they be both?
You’re not part of a couple?
The “You would feel uncomfortable coming out with couples!” friend. You know the friend that rattles off what they did on the weekend, how all your friends, the “marrieds” went out and nope, they didn’t invite you. They’re quick to add, you wouldn’t have wanted to come in any case, being single and everything! Yep, so all your friends went out, whilst you had home delivery and watched nothing on TV! The honest truth is, after a while, you do feel uncomfortable!
But all isn’t lost..
The Best Friend in the World.
If you have one of these you are blessed! For me it was a cousin. Many Saturday nights in those first months, she would pick up the take away and drop in. Other times, during the week, on weekends – just whenever she would phone and we would talk for ages, listening to my latest saga. Always sympathetic! They are the friend that when something happens, you dive for your phone and spend the next hour raging. By the time you hang up – you’re smiling again.
The Golden Oldie friend.
Remember that friend you haven’t spoken to for years (okay – maybe decades)? Late one night you were trawling through your phone contacts / Facebook friends, found them and sent a message. Your spouse hated them – so you hadn’t spoken for ages… It’s amazing how some friendships pick up right where they left off! These are the ones that lead to Boys / Girls night at the pub! A great excuse to reconnect with a whole group.
The New Divorce Friends.
You’re now a member of a new club – the divorcees! It’s a great tribe, with so many of us looking to create fantastic, new lives and working out what it means. Going to movies, live music, shows, pubs, clubs – activities you haven’t done in years or maybe never did! You meet them at work, at the gym, standing in line at the post office, at the fruit shop etc. Who even knows how the topic of divorce came up, but straight away you have this connection with them, they get you!
So, if you are reading this in your pajamas or in between stalking your ex on Facebook, (you just wanted to see if they were doing any better than you!). Be proactive! Try some new hobbies or old ones – bush-walking, crafts, poker nights, loads of different courses. There are also lots of area based social meet-ups. Go to a free meditation session or put your name down for one of those free seminar Facebook is always selling. You could become a real estate genius or an entrepreneur. Be creative!!
By Ann Wine